Monday, March 5, 2012

A Slew of Birthday Commentary

I'll be posting these as they occur while they're fresh in my mind.

She sure is in rare form today. 
As I was taking the following pictures, she yells:
Grammy: Get off that phone while you're workin' with me!
Emilee: Ok ok ok!
Grammy: I know it can't be important 'cause you don't have a job!
(Ouch, burn. Thanks Gram.)
But it's not every day Grammy has a butcher knife in her hands. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to document this near amputee moment that might have been.
This was a fancy hat and jar of wine away from turning into a dangerous My Drunk Kitchen episode.
(Hi @harto.) Find out more about MDK here. You're welcome.

[Driving to the foot doctor.]
Grammy: I thought you'd be up early making me an omelette for my birthday.
(Naturally, because that's expected of me.)
Emilee: I couldn't sleep last night. I was up til 3am applying for jobs.
Grammy: Oh jeez. Where at?
Emilee: Philly.
Grammy: Oh THAT town.
(What? 10 second pause for shock and awe. Or rather, lack thereof because unfortunately I'm used to these kinds of reactions.)
Grammy: This is the warmest coat I own.

I can't make this stuff up.

Grammy: 79 Years Young Today!


Later today I'll be driving you to your foot doctor for your weekly treatment! Where you'll announce turn-by-turn directions from the passenger seat. Even though it literally takes a hop, skip, and a jump to get there. And I take you literally every week.  Meanwhile you'll complain that the seat belt is broken, and try to "hook it on" to my emergency break. Which is probably some sort of code violation and accident waiting to happen, but I wouldn't dare argue. I know better by now not to even have my cell phone in sight while driving with you in the car. Oh, and don't worry, I won't even turn on "that noise," so you won't have to yell at me to turn it down. (Happy Birthday.)

Here's the card I quickly put back on the shelf for you this year:

The much more appropriate one I did choose:

I hope you give me some good material at tonight's dinner.
I will forever cherish your words of wisdom, disgustingly odd cold remedies, and age-old recipes & "techniques" in the kitchen.
Despite what this blog may infer, I actually do love you a ton. I wouldn't have created this if I didn't want to show you off.

Happy Birthday from your favorite. =)
Maybe on your 80th birthday I'll tell you this exists. MAYBE.


!@#$ Grammy Does.
!@#$ Emilee Says. <3 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Grammy The Nurturer

A friend and I have been contemplating a move to Florida to find teaching jobs. She came over one afternoon, and we were doing some research on my computer at the kitchen table. Grammy sat at the other end of the table gnawing on her lunch. 

Emilee: Gram! We're gonna move to Florida!
Grammy: Well I'm not comin' ta visit ya...
(Pause to allow friend's jaw to drop)
Grammy: I've been there too many times.
(Pause to allow for quiet laughter)
Grammy: You better not get sick.
Emilee: What?
Grammy: Well, who's gonna rub the Vicks on ya?!

I should probably add that she didn't stop eating for a second.
!@#$ Grammy Says.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Grammy vs. Dentures

First I'd like to say that this is a constant battle. Mainly just keeping them in her mouth. Not in a "OMG my teeth fell out of my mouth mid-sentence!" kind of way. More in a "I take them out whenever I want without any consideration for others" kind of way. Seeing her lips caving into her mouth is NOT hot. (Picture to follow. Maybe.) At any rate, here goes...

[Went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast after bowling on Tuesday morning with a friend. Came home and could not wait to share this.]
Grammy: There was a sign in the bathroom! You know what it said? "Do Not Rinse Teeth In Sink" I can't go out to eat any more.

And she won't either. I should add 'stubborn' right next to miserable and old at the top of the page. Can I get a Amen?!
!@#$ Grammy Says.

The Conversation That Inspired This Blog

OK let me set the scene here. Just had a nice, pleasant family dinner. The coffee is on, and we're getting ready to relax at the table with some dessert. Grammy gets up and walks across the kitchen to the coffee pot...

Emilee: Gram, will you get me a cup too?
[Grammy slowly turns with disdain.]
Grammy: I like when you wash your hair and wear it down.
(As if that was a completely appropriate response to that inquiry.)
Emilee: So, if I wash my hair, you'll get me coffee? Is that what you're telling me?
[Without missing a beat...]
Grammy: Well if you're gonna get up and do that, you might as well get it yourself.

!@#$ Grammy Says

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